Bunny is not well. She hasn't been well in months. Her smile isn't as bright, her eyes don't twinkle like they once did, she's not as excited and playful as before. Why? Her brain is deteriorating.
At yesterday's appointment, we discussed many things. What was decided is that we will focus on quality of life before anything else. How can we make Bunny more comfortable? Her scans show yet another increase in fluid so the first step is to replace her shunt. This can't be done until her brain is infection free for 3 months, so surgery is scheduled for March 30th. She had a 7% chance of infection with the first shunt placement and that will increase to 9% this time around. That number seems incredibly small until you remind yourself that she had staph and meningitis in her brain just 2 months ago. We have chosen to place another shunt and pray that God will protect her. It's a risky surgery considering her current status, but if the pressure continues to build as it has been, that alone will kill her. We feel that she deserves to be comfortable and removing the pressure will provide that.
What comes after the shunt? We don't know. She's fading. Slowly, but steadily. We were told 6 to 12 months, again. We have heard that before and she has beaten the odds so many times. Eventually, she won't. I know she's tired. It's not fair that she has to fight so hard. It's not fair that she has had to go through so much just to live. It's just not fair. I spoke with her geneticist who retired years ago yesterday. She reminded me of a conversation we had at one of Bunny's appointments. She will display signs similar to one dying of brain cancer. Currently, those signs are weight loss, lack of energy, weakened immune system, fits of aggression, confusion, and decrease in skills. Our number one goal at this point is to keep her healthy. If we can keep her as healthy as possible, we could potentially have another year with her. The more times she gets sick, the weaker she will become. Her immune system is tapping out. If a germ floats by five miles away, Bunny will catch it. It sucks. I have no eloquent, well thought out words. It just sucks. We aren't giving up, we're just being forced to face reality. Her doctor said it best. "After all this, I hope you know I'll never give you false hope, but I won't quit on her either. I can't predict the future, but she's deteriorating and no one will be able to stop that. What I can do is make her as comfortable as possible for as long as she has left. I think we can all agree she deserves that." She does. She deserves the world, the moon, the stars, and everything in between.
We will pray. We will love her. We will continue to live moment to moment. We will follow God's plan. She is His child and her story was written long before we were blessed with her precious life.
