Saturday, July 14, 2012

Searching for strength.

Lord, I come to you, on my knees, asking for strength.

June was a crappy month. July hasn't been any better. On June 28th, my Pawpaw passed away. It has been over two weeks since he knocked on my door with a bag of fruit. It has been over two weeks since I called him to ask about the weather. He always knew. Pawpaw's death was a huge shock. He was healthy, active, and full of life. I'd give anything to butt heads with him one more time, to lecture him about giving Rhagan too much sugar, to hug him, to hear one of his nonchalant comments. It's funny to think about the things we'd bicker about. They all seem so pity now.

Illness. Illness is something Aralyn knows all too well. She's sick, all the time. This time, she was diagnosed with an ear infection and cold. Why do I have a problem with this? The doctor who diagnosed her has never seen her before. He was unaware of any of her history. We were supposed to see her doctor, but the office failed to mention that Aralyn's pediatrician was out of the office when we scheduled the appointment. We'll refer to this new one as Dr. E. I'm still unsure of how Dr. E became a doctor. Harsh, I know. He listened to Aralyn's lungs and said they were clear. Really? Her nurse just listened and they were wheezy and crackling. Interesting. He spent a good ten minutes digging around in her right ear, glanced in the left, then said she had an infection in the left. If that's the case, why spend so much time on the right? Why dig around as if you were searching for treasure? At this point, Aralyn was in some sort of shock. Dr. E dug around in her right ear while Aralyn was motionless. Her nurse and I believe Dr. E went a little too deep in the ear after watching Aralyn's response. She was motionless, soundless, and it felt like a year before she opened her eyes again. I wasn't too concerned until she coughed. Hit the eardrum, Dr. E? Some parents may shrug it off, but I can't seem to do that. Why was he so intrigued by her right ear, then glance in the left? Makes no sense to me. Antibiotics and breathing treatment, which she was already getting, are what we left with. On top of it all, he agreed with the diagnosis of Aralyn being blind. Really? She kept her eye on him the entire time. Well, except for when he was probing her ear. She watched him walk out of the room. She saw you, Dr. E!!

Of course I can't stop here. There's more. My great-granddad, Grandpere, passed away. God has more faith in me than I do. My heart is in a continual state of hurt. At the end of the day, I remind myself of all the blessings in my life. Life is unpredictable. You can plan, and plan, and plan, but God is the one who's in control.

The greatest news I'm overly joyed to share is that Bunny will be two in twelve days!!!!

Thank you, Lord, for all You've blessed me with.


Here is my dad, Rhagan (who just turned six), and Aralyn at an East Texas Pump Jacks game.
Am I blessed or what?!?

Love and blessings!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Baby steps...

I didn't realize how long it had been until I looked at the date on my last post. It has been quite a while. Many things have changed since the last post, but it would take me too long to go over. In a simple recap, Aralyn is still proving doctors wrong, I'm now a single mom, in home therapy is more enjoyable than going to a clinic, the only two doctors who went out of their way to help Bunny have retired, and doctors are still unable to give us answers to anything.

Now, to the "big" question of why I stopped blogging. The most honest answer I can give is that I'm weak. I have real feelings. When I receive an email saying that I should "put her out of her misery", I cry. Words hurt. I assume that whoever came up with the whole "sticks and stone" mess hadn't heard words like I have. I've said it before and I'll say it again. My child, my blessing, my miracle is NOT a child of the devil. I will not stop fighting for her. I will not stop caring for her. I will not stop searching for doctors who care. I will not stop feeding her. I will not stop giving her the medications she needs. I will not stop her therapists who help her reach milestones. I WILL NOT STOP! Your cruel messages may cause me pain, but they do not affect the love I have for my precious Bunny.

What's current with Aralyn? She's sick. I know, I know. That's not new news, but it is what it is. Tonight, she's had a two hour, going on three, crying fit. I'm still at a loss. I don't know what's wrong. She can't point to her "boo boo". She can't say where it hurts. All I know is that she is hurting. On top of that, her lungs are crackling and she's getting a breathing treatment every four hours. Her night nurse got here, did her evaluation, and can't give any answers either.

Like I said in the title, baby steps. Getting back to blogging is going to take time. I don't want to lose to those mean people, but I can only handle so many hateful words before I break.

Thank you to all of those who love, support, and believe in Aralyn. 
Love and blessings!