Just deal with it.

This is the day I've prayed about a million times over. I've prayed and prayed and prayed about the trip to Dallas to see Bunny's GI doctor. It's hard to stay cool, calm, and collected when a doctor feels like your child is of little worth because of a "terminal" diagnosis. Dr. G has been a part of Bunny's journey since he placed her Mic-Key button in 2011. At the time he stated that he wouldn't do a Nissen because she would die regardless and it was a waste of resources. I swallowed that trash and moved forward because more than anything, Bunny needed another feeding tube to replace her NG tube. The rest would be dealt with later. Well, now's later. Bunny has been vomiting on and off with her feedings since June of 2011. She has severe GERD and the only way to control it is with a Nissen. Dr. G offered different medications to try first. I'm not all about shoving my child into surgery unless it's absolutely necessary, so I was more than willing to try medications first. We've adjusted, and adjusted, and adjusted Bunny's medications, and she's still vomiting. She is now maxed out on her medications for her weight, so we can do nothing different there. Every three months we go to see Dr. G and it's the same thing. No, he won't do a Nissen. Then, he mentioned it being done for the very first time. The last few weeks have been the pits for Bunny. She's had to have continuous feedings all day and she's still been vomiting. Her home health nurse called to explain the issue again with Dr. G and he himself said she needed a Nissen and to come in Friday, April 19th to discuss it further. Finally! It's really happening! I was so excited to know that after all this time, Bunny was going to finally get the much needed procedure.
Today, April 19th, we loaded up and headed to Dallas to see Dr. G as requested. I was nervous because he always has a way of making me feel like I care too much. I know that sounds crazy, but apparently I'm "very involved" in my child's care which is frowned upon by some medical professionals. It's much easier to tell a parent what's going on and have them agree rather than have a parent ask questions and want to be informed. Either way, I'm going to ask questions and expect information on any and all things related to either of my children. That drives Dr. G bonkers. He came in the room, said he wouldn't do the Nissen, and asked what I wanted. Really?! After his ramblings on why Bunny shouldn't have a Nissen, he recommended changing her formula. No. That's not something I'm willing to adjust right now. She's already vomiting. Do you really think playing the guessing game with different formulas is going to help? I'm not a medical professional, but I'd say it probably wouldn't end well. He then said he'd be willing to change her G tube (Mic-Key) to a GJ tube. Again, I'm all for trying different methods to avoid surgery if it's actually a method that could possibly work. While explaining the GJ tube, Dr. G made sure to mention several times that it still may not keep Bunny from vomiting all the time, but it was the only other option he was willing to give. I agreed and he was pleased. Then, being the crazy mom I am, asked what I thought was a fairly decent question. What will our next option be if the GJ tube doesn't help? Simple enough question, right? I'm sure many parents would want to know the same thing if in a similar situation. This is when the appointment turned from frustrating and exhausting to down right gut-wrenching. His answer was, "You'll just have to deal with the vomiting." You have got to be kidding me!! Just deal with my child vomiting every day for the rest of her life? Really?? He then recommended we see another GI doctor because he's not going to do anything else, and that's exactly what I plan to do. I'm now on the hunt for a second opinion.
On the way home, I could only think to thank God. I feel that this was His plan. I feel that if I pushed the Nissen with this specific doctor, it would have been detrimental to Bunny. What if I continued to push this doctor into operating on Bunny, even if it is what is best for her, and he followed through carelessly? We are going to go through with switching Bunny from a G tube to a GJ because it is a much easier procedure that could very well help, but I'm also going to see about finding another GI to review Bunny's case.
One thing that gave me such a great sense of peace today was the song Praise You In This Storm. God caught each and every tear I shed today. He knows my pains, fears, and desires for Bunny. He knows what's next in her journey. We will praise Him and follow Him always.

Blessings always!

She's come so far and I know God's still working miracles!