A lifetime ago, or at least it feels like it has been that long, Aralyn's doctor spoke with me about Make A Wish. She told me when the time was right, she would make sure Aralyn got a Wish. Over the last few years, I had no interest in a Wish. I didn't want a trip, a playground, or anything else. I wanted to get through every day with hope that Aralyn would have a tomorrow. When she had her stroke, I thought she was going Home. When she was airlifted to Children's Medical Center, I thought she wouldn't be able to pull through. When she stopped breathing, I knew it was time. Through it all, she has survived. I'll go as far as saying she has recovered from it all for the most part. I miss her signing, I miss the pieces of her personality that never made their way back, but she's still my girl, my living girl.
Fast forward to a short time ago, the call came. Aralyn had been nominated for a Wish. Initially, a precious family we met at our church's Special Needs Vacation Bible School had nominated Aralyn after learning of her journey. Then, when Make A Wish contacted Aralyn's doctor, she jumped on board too. When the Wish Granter contacted me, I told her that Aralyn's doctor would let me know when it was time, and she had not done so yet. My next phone call was to Aralyn's doctor. She then told me it was time. Now I know our God is one of perfect timing, miracles, and healing, but when your child's doctor tells you to enjoy life now, that now is the time to make big memories, and to cherish every moment, you get chills. You get a pain in your heart so deep, it feels like it goes straight through you. When Aralyn was born, I was told she wouldn't live longer than an hour. Four years later, she struggles with certain things, but she's living and breathing. On most days, she's even smiling. I was prepared to let her go four years ago, but not now. I speak with so many parents who have lost children to a Trisomy disorder, and I can't even begin to grasp the pain, loneliness, and empty space in their hearts. I don't want any part of that. I'm not strong enough. Of course no parent wants to lose their child, but they're rocks, full of strength. Doctors said Aralyn wouldn't live, but she did, so she has to keep living. There's no other option. Doctors have been wrong before, but what happens when they're right? What happens when what they say will happen actually happens? I have gotten comfortable with Aralyn living. I have allowed my mind to believe she's just like the other three. Happy and healthy. When I look at her, I don't see tubes. I don't see that she can't sit, stand, or walk. I see my perfect child. The child God created with His perfect hands. I see a piece of me. A piece of my heart. In Trisomy time, four years is a lot to be grateful for, and I am, very much so. I just want forever. I don't want to outlive my child. I don't want to have to explain to her siblings that she has gone to Heaven. I don't want to see my husband lose his precious Bunny. I don't want to have to call my family to tell them she has gone Home. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but when you find contentment and peace while raising a "terminally" ill child, a reminder of her many diagnoses is a smack in the face. It's like when you found out Santa and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. You spent your entire life believing with all of your heart. You didn't question it because your belief was pure. I have spent the last four years believing that Aralyn will be healed on earth. I've prayed, and prayed, and prayed that it will happen, and I have believed that it will. Now, I'm reminded that God's plan may be very different. So here's my wish. My wish is for God to continue to prove the doctors wrong. My wish is for many more years. My wish is for childhood illness to end. My wish is for every child to have a chance to truly live. Aralyn's wish is for an unlimited supply of Wonder Pets and mashed potatoes, but she's only four, so she doesn't get a vote. :)
Hold onto every moment because one day, the memories are all you'll have.
Blessings and Bunny love,
Whitney
“If there's a single lesson that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so. ” - Lev Grossman
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