Simple days like today are my favorite. Aralyn had a wonderful day. She didn't have any doctor appointments or therapy. All we had to do today was PLAY! She was even awake for a few hours. :) Today was the best day we've had in a few weeks. I thought it was going to be a tear-free day until I started driving down our road.
Not far from our house is a cemetery. I usually pass it and admire and all of the flowers. No matter what time of year, it's always well manicured and there are tons of flowers. I pass this cemetery at least twice a day, once leaving and once coming back. Today was no different until I noticed a lady sitting next to a headstone crying. She looked so vulnerable. Matt and I talked about burying Aralyn at this cemetery because it is always so beautiful, but today I realized that while it looks beautiful to the passerby, it's full of sadness to others. This is when the first tears of the day started flowing. How do you decide where to bury your child? How do you know if it's the perfect place? I know she'll be in Heaven, but physically I want her to be in a perfect place. We've also decided that we'll need to buy 3 plots so Matt and I can be buried next to her when the time comes. I thought about 4, but Rhagan will probably want to chose his own place. By the time I got home, reality pulled me back in. I've never quoted a burial plot. I never thought about how much it would cost. Let me tell you, they aren't cheap. This cost alone has made Matt want to pre-plan like we had talked about. Why does it cost so much? Don't these people realize that the majority of deaths are unexpected and most people don't walk around with a few thousand dollars in their back pocket??? It's the same way with many other things. I can buy a toy for $5 and spendd $45 on the exact same toy with "special needs" on the package. Why is the world like this? Why take advantage of people when they are in their weakest moment? I guess it's one more thing I'll never understand.
OK. I'm done venting for the night. I try not to do it, but I felt the need tonight.
Just stumbled across your blog from someone that left your link on a Texas country singer's profile on facebook(his unborn daughter has just been diagnosed with Trisomy 18), and I started reading your entries, and I have to say, through all the tears I've shed just reading, I see that you are an incredibly strong Christian woman and that is so admirable. I do believe it was God that led me to read this today, because I am going through some trials myself and while reading this, it just hit me that my problems are SO miniscule compared to other people's trials and tribulation! How dare I sit here and have a pity party for myself when people like you and your husband are fighting everyday for your daughter! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you've put a lot of things in perspective for me, and I am truly moved and inspired by your strength, love for your daughter, and more importantly, your acceptance and love for God's will. I will definitely remember to keep you and your sweet family in my prayers. Take care,
ReplyDeleteKate
You are still in my prayers.
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