Today is the first day of the rest of her life. Aralyn Faith is now on Hospice care. Her case manager came out today to re asses her and to go over our options. We can watch her suffer and hurt or watch her rest comfortably. Today reality set in. I've done this for about a year and a half now. I've gone to bed every night for over a year praying that she is still with us the next morning. I've begged God. I've yelled at God. I've even questioned God. Today I accepted His plan. I know I've said that before but today it hit me. Aralyn has been on loan since the day she was born, but I'm not ready to let her go. I selfishly ask Him for one more day, every day. How does a mother cope afterwards? I have been a "member" of a group on Facebook for some time now where a little boy was diagnosed with a terminal cancer. As he and his family went through his final days support poured in. People from all over the world were praying for him and his family. Aralyn and our family are experiencing this same thing. What hurts my heart is that now that he has passed, everyone has disappeared. There aren't any new posts encouraging the family. He died and the support and prayers stopped. I'm really scared after seeing that. Is it selfish to want prayers? Right now I wake up and look forward to seeing Aralyn touch the hearts of hundreds of people. I read every single email, post, comment, and message. It fills my heart with joy to know that while I'm hurting, people are celebrating Aralyn's life. What will happen when she does go Home? I told you I'm a "what if" kind of girl. I could not have made it this far, this strong without all of the support. It's setting in. Aralyn will not outlive me. I will bury my own daughter. I will be in that "club". I received a message last week and I'm pretty sure it was by mistake. It said, "Hey! Have you heard about that little girl that's dying? I've never known anyone who died. It's kinda interesting.". My response was, "Yes. She's my little girl. Enjoy.". I didn't know what else to say. This isn't a show. This isn't for your entertainment. This is REAL. These words are RAW. This is a mother trying to find her way. This is a mother/daughter/sister/wife/friend trying to figure out what to do next all while holding her head high with a smile on her face. This is me! For every hurtful word there are 579 "friends" to help pick me back up. I will be forever grateful for that.
A dear friend, amazing photographer is holding an auction to help with Aralyn's medical expenses. Our church held a fundraiser at the beginning of the year but Aralyn's needs are still going strong. I am in awe of how many boutiques donated items. I am in awe of how many people are ordering "Aralyn's Journey" shirts. I am in awe of how many people care!!! I'm just so darn thankful and one day I will find a way to express that.
Lord, Your love is shining bright!
My daughter, husband, and I are praying for you and your sweet family! Aralyn has the most amazing mommy!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I have a friend I met online that her son died from CHARGE. Her blog blew up with support. The amount of lives that were touched by this one child was just...just God. Then he died and the blog is silent. She writes from time to time but instead of 100 comments she gets maybe 1. I have heard her talk about how no one talks about him. This is the same for everyone I know that has a lost a child. Support, death, silence. I am sorry this is how it goes. I pray it will be different. I try to talk to the moms about the kids but I think like everyone else you wonder will I hurt them if I talk about this? I heard this is a common reason why people stay away.
ReplyDeleteIt is also sad that this is a spectator sport. You are right this is real this is raw this is your life. Gosh I cant tell you how many times I have wished this wasnt real. That I would wake up and no orphans would be without homes, no children would be dying, no mamas arms empty and hurting. I wish I could take this all away for you. I will continue to beg God for Aralyns life.
I would love to meet you and Aralyn. I want to get her and Noah together. I dont know if I can make the bday because I will be flying home from Pa that day. We have to get together though.
HUGS
Be blessed
Ashlee
My family and I will be praying for your precious baby girl. Yall have incredible strength and your faith in God is so inspiring. We know God has a plan for all of us and he has touched our lives with Aralyn's story. We are continuing to pray for all of you.
ReplyDeletePeople who make commits like the one sent to you about how interesting it is need to be ignored. My first child was less than 24 hours old when he passed. I was told that since I only held him twice it should be easy for me to let him go. I don't think it matters if you have your child one day or 20 years, it's going to hurt just as bad. I'm praying for you. As for how you cope, you hold your head up high, and lean on God. He's only way to cope with this.
ReplyDeleteYour family and Sweet baby Aralyn are in my prayers all day long everyday, and will continue to be. I will not forget about you. Your strength and faith in the Lord has touched my heart greatly. <3
ReplyDeleteI've never read a blog that made me cry and fall down on my knees and pray the way yours has. Thank you for your honesty and for bringing your daughters journey back home to Jesus to the world. She is truly blessed to have you as her support and you know that you are blessed to have her. I pray for comfort and support for you and your family in this time of need. Once again thank you for sharing.
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